What the Bible Says About Abusers and the Abused

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“Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the orphan. Fight for the rights of widows.” Isaiah 1:17

“You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally.” Ezekiel 34:4 (NIV)

Jesus criticized the religious leaders when He said, “And you experts in the law, woe to you because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.” Luke 11:46 (NIV)

More scriptures: Jeremiah 21:12; 22:3, 15-16,Psalm 72:1,4,14

Comfort for the oppressed

“Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless.Surely you will listen to their cries and comfort them. You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so people can no longer terrify them.” Psalm 10:17-18

Other scriptures: Psalm 91:1-6, 14-16; Psalm 140:1,4,11; 2 Sam. 22:47-49; Psalm 55:16,22;

You are valuable to God!

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body, and knit me together in my
mother’s womb . . .You saw me before I was born. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God!” Psalm 139:13-17

“Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill you. They can only kill your body; they
cannot touch your soul. Not even a sparrow can fall to the ground without yourFather knowing it. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to Him than a whole flock of sparrows.” Matthew 10:28-31

“. . . Don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” 1 Co. 6: 19-20

“Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you? God will bring ruin upon anyone who ruins this temple. For God’s temple is holy, and you Christians are that temple.” 1 Co. 3:16-17

Feeling Afraid

“Listen to my prayer, O God. Do not ignore my cry for help! Please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles. My enemies shout at me, making loud and wicked threats. They bring trouble on me, hunting me down in their anger. My heart is in anguish. The terror of death overpowers me. Fear and trembling overwhelm me. I can’t stop shaking. O how I wish I had wings like a dove; then I would fly away and rest! I would fly far away to the quiet of the wilderness. How quickly I would escape—far away from this wild storm of hatred. It is not an enemy who taunts me—I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me—I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you—my equal, my companion and close friend.” Psalm 55:1-14

Profile of an Abuser

“As for this friend of mine, he betrayed me; he broke his promises. His words are as smooth as cream, but in his heart is war. His words are as soothing as lotion, but underneath are daggers! Psalm 55:20-21

“All your dealings are crooked; you hand out violence instead of justice.” Psalm 58:2

“For they accuse me of things I’ve never done and breathe out violence against me.”Psalm 27:12

“They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God . . . and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control; they will be cruel and have no interest in what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act as if they are religious,but they will reject the power that could make them godly. You must stay away from people like that.” 2 Timothy 3:1-5

“O Lord, rescue me from evil people. Preserve me from those who are violent, those who plot evil in their hearts and stir up trouble all day long.” Psalm 140:1-2

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes.” Proverbs 12:15 (NASB)

“Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man lest you learn his ways and become like him.” Proverbs 22:24 (NASB)

Verbal Abuse

“Their mouths are full of cursing, lies, and threats. Trouble and evil are on the tips of their tongues.” Psalm 10:7

“Their tongues sting like a snake; the poison of a viper drips from their lips.” Psalm 140:3

“They come at night, snarling like vicious dogs as they prowl the streets. Listen to the filth that comes from their mouths, the piercing swords that fly from their lips. ‘Who can hurt us?’ they sneer.” Psalm 59:6-7

“They spit poison like deadly snakes; they are like cobras that refuse to listen.” Psalm 58:4

“But evil words come from an evil heart and defile the person who says them. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all other sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. These are what defile you.” Matthew 15:18-20

See also Matthew 12:33-37 and James 3:2-10

from:SWAN – Someone Worth Accepting Now

Emotional Abuse: a definition

Emotional abuse is insidious. It can be worse than physical abuse.

So what is it? Read the following excerpt from the book The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself. It’s by Beverly Engel, MFCC. It’s about 230 pages. Although the book is directed at women, it applies equally to both sexes.

Keep in mind that this book was written for women who are victims of domestic abuse.

However — and here’s an important point — for a man , or a woman, the reactions to the abuse are the same. If, after reading this, you feel trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship, please get help. If a child in your home is experiencing this kind of abuse, please do all you can to protect them from its harmful effects.

Emotional abuse is any behavior that is designed to control another person through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults. It can include verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics like intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional abuse is like brainwashing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in her perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it be by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance” or teaching, the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient loses all sense of self and all remnants of personal value.

Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be longer-lasting than physical ones. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.

Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.

Following are types of emotional abuse:

• DOMINATION: Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.
• VERBAL ASSAULTS: berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.
• ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS: The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person. But no matter how much you give, it’s never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don’t fulfill all this person’s needs.
• EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other “hot buttons” to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, the “cold shoulder,” or use other fear tactics to control you.
• UNPREDICTABLE RESPONSES: Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts (This is part of the definition of BPD). Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what’s expected of you. You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person’s next outburst or change of mood.An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.
• GASLIGHTING: The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently. The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity. (If a borderline has been disassociating, they may indeed remember reality differently than you do.)
• CONSTANT CHAOS: The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be “addicted to drama” since it creates excitement.

Related Articles

• Dr. Drew Scolds Mother for Emotionally Abusing a ‘Teen Mom’ (VIDEO) (tvsquad.com)

When Stalked by Nightmares….Own your Dreams!

 Many of us who live with PTSD have recurrent nightmares.I found this article on MSN which contains a simple yet helpful guide to bad dreams. Learning the technique of Lucid Dreaming can help an abuse survivor to diminish the impact  of trauma on the mind and restore peace to the seemingly elusive luxury of natural sleep.Learning about bad dreams and their meanings is the first step towards conquering them.

Dreaming is natural, and so is the occasional “wrong turn” into a less-than-welcome nightmare. These stories we tell ourselves at night have an important and useful function. Dreams help us think about and sort out issues from our waking life. Here, the ten most common nightmares’ messages are explained.

1. Being Chased
By a long margin, being chased is the most common nightmare. You might be chased by an animal, a person, or dark forces. Whatever pursues you symbolizes a part of yourself that you are not able to, or do not want to, admit. It’s an area of your life where you may feel helpless. An animal could represent the more uninhibited part of your nature. A strange person or negative energy represents lessons you need to learn or accept. This nightmare is always a wake up call to take more control of your life. Sometimes this means making a difficult choice.

2. Drowning
Drowning or being unable to breathe is closely tied to what energizes your life. If you dream about drowning, ask yourself, “What am I blocking, avoiding, or feeling unable to cope with?” This is especially true concerning feelings you may not want to admit. In a dream, you can learn to breathe underwater!

3. Being Trapped
If you dream of being trapped or unable to move, it is likely you are coping with a situation where you feel you have no choice. In your waking life you are not allowing yourself to accept that life is full of possibilities for constructive change. When you wake, talk with someone you trust about those areas where you feel stuck.

4. Partner Leaving You/Divorce
This sort of nightmare has more than one possible meaning. Vivid dreams about a romantic breakup can be rooted in your own sense of insecurity or dissatisfaction about a relationship. It can also be a way for your unconscious to send a message that what you think is secure may be more unstable than you are willing to admit. Sometimes, there are lessons to be learned about standing on your own, no matter what. Think about what you need to feel secure in your waking life.

5. Being Injured
If you are injured in a dream, pay close attention to the part of the body that has been hurt. The head represents all of you; the hands, how you handle life; legs speak of what supports you. Ask yourself what area of your life you been neglecting or mistreating. It is time to be more alert to prioritize particular needs that may be taking second place in your life.

6. Teeth Falling Out
A great number of people actually dream of having their teeth fall out. Teeth are necessary to speak, eat, present a good appearance, and can be a weapon to protect yourself. Losing teeth sometimes suggests you are having a problem making a choice. You might feel you cannot communicate your real feelings, doubt your ability to take care of yourself, or simply fear speaking in public.

7. Being Naked in Public
Often you may be naked, but no one seems to notice. If you find yourself embarrassed, the dream is pointing out that you may be lacking confidence or un comfortable around other people. The dream reflects a sense that you are vulnerable, weakened in the eyes of others, and possibly foolish. This is a common dream for reserved people with very high standards. You can turn it around by imagining everyone else in their underwear when you are awake! Being naked and unashamed in a dream is very freeing.

8. Missing a Plane, Train, etc.
These dreams come when you are running around trying to get everywhere on time. It can also mean you have missed an important opportunity to move on or change your horizons. These sorts of dreams often appear when you must make an important choice. This is similar to dreams of being unready to take a test. You need to ask yourself if you are as prepared as possible for an upcoming challenge.

9. Contacted By the Dead
Seeing a departed loved one is a very common dream experience. It is likely that some of these visits are actual astral contacts. Usually, these contacts include nonverbal, telepathic communication. These dreams are often comforting and not at all scary or distressing. They suggest that love endures beyond our concept of space or time. If the deceased person is speaking out loud, it is more likely the dream is about part of yourself.

10. Natural Disasters
An earthquake, tsunami, hurricane, tornado, or other end of the world dream often means a way of life that needs to be surrendered. There is something going on that is likely to trigger a dramatic change from what is safe and familiar. This may not be a literal move, but could show emotional upheaval, or the need to accept a whole new way of being in the world.

Recurring nightmares
Most people occasionally experience the same dream over and over. This is usually a signal that your subconscious mind is trying to send you a message. When you understand the message, and do something about it, the dream will change or end. Scary dreams are a way of generating excitement so you will be more honest with yourself. They should not be feared, but rather welcomed as helpful hints toward a better life.

http://astrocenter.astrology.msn.com/msn/ArticleAstrologyHomeV2.aspx?sd=20091117&gt1=21001

Related Articles

• How to Tame Your Nightmares (online.wsj.com)
• Dreams (socyberty.com)
• Interpretations Of Common Dreams And Nightmares (brighthub.com)
• http://www.flickr.com/photos/xamixiita/4593307645/

A Light at the End of the Tunnel – Neurotransmitters and PTSD

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Many aspects of PTSD are evident in invisible but serious physical disruptions due to the traumatic event(s). These disruptions contribute to serious problems such as depression, insomnia, and OCD; but recent advances have made it possible not only to identify these changes but to treat them in safe and effective ways. Ongoing stress, as well as a poor diet, genetics and environmental influences, can disrupt the inherent balance of the two main types of neurotransmitters (NTs). Excitatory neurotransmitters are the gas pedal that moves things along throughout our entire body. Inhibitory neurotransmitters calm us down, and function like brakes when it is normally time for the excitatory NTs to wind down.

Frequently, among people with PTSD, the levels of these NTs are out of balance. This can lead to:

Excitatory Neurotransmitters
High Levels	Low Levels
* restlessness	* fatigue
* insomnia	* irritability
* poor concentration	* clouded thinking
* emotional lability	* poor focus
* racing thoughts
* anxiety, OCD or panic attacks

Inhibiting or Calming Neurotransmitters
High Levels	Low Levels
* insomnia	* headaches
* anxiety	* headaches
* hyperactivity	* carbohydrate cravings
* depression
* headaches
* insomnia
* carbohydrate cravings
* anxiety
* irritability

Notice the overlap of symptoms, as many imbalanced patterns reinforce and compound one another.

It is not surprising that many people with PTSD are diagnosed with bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, and/or clinical depression. Psychiatric medications are usually prescribed. However many people are looking for effective and safe alternatives.

There are alternatives-exercise, meditation, yoga, and other behavioral “stress busters.” The only problem is getting motivated to do these things, no easy task when you are riddled with anxiety or paralyzed by depression.

One viable alternative is amino acid therapy. Usually, a urine sample is sent to a lab and based on the results an individualized program of amino acids is suggested. NeuroScience is one company providing this service to health care providers:

https://www.neurorelief.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=section&id=9&Itemid=51

Most insurance companies pay for these tests but not for supplements. A three-month supply typically costs $150-250. Results begin within a week to three weeks. Most people with PTSD take these supplements for at least 6 months.

Because PTSD is associated with many other physical problems, such as hypothyroid conditions, hypertension, headaches, I encourage these clients to

1. have a thorough physical exam if they haven’t done so recently, and
2. have their cortisol levels checked.

Cortisol (AKA adrenaline) and other chemical messengers are produced by the adrenal glands in response to stress. The symptoms of cortisol imbalances, as well as treatment options, will be discussed next month.

In my experience, clients who are struggling with PTSD find the combination of amino acid supplementation, adrenal support for cortisol imbalances, and neurofeedback training, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ-wX7kLBr4 to provide resolution of symptoms such as insomnia, anxiety, depression and irritability.

Providing naturally occurring supplements for NT and cortisol imbalances corrects these imbalances at a fundamental level. This creates an opportunity to return to better health. Supplement use is generally time limited unlike their chemical counterparts, which are often taken for years.

The decrease and resolution of PTSD related symptoms such as panic attacks, flashbacks, depression, OCD, cognitive deficiencies, behavioral problems, etc., makes it easier to do the hard work of psychotherapy. Effective therapy helps recovery and healing, and should, whenever possible, help the client change the situation that created the PTSD in the first place. Identifying and treating the physiological effects of PTSD is a fundamental first step in this process.

by Joan-Marie Lartin, PhD, RN

Joan-Marie Lartin, PhD, RN

Joan-Marie Lartin is a psychiatric nurse with a private practice in psychotherapy. She holds a masters and a PhD in nursing and is a graduate of the family systems program at Georgetown, working directly with Murray Bowen for several years.

Joan-Marie has extensive training and experience with the emotional, behavioral, spiritual and physical aspects of PTSD.

She offers her clients neurofeedback training, access to neurotransmitter testing as well as psychotherapy.

Her practice is based in south central Pennsylvania. She is a single mother of two wonderful and challenging teenagers. She delights in her family, her friendships, her kids, her work and her post divorce rediscovery of self.You can reach Joan by email at: jlartin at mac.com

Her original post can be found here:

http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/a-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-neurotransmitters-and-ptsd

Related Articles

• Stress and the Brain: What Makes Some of Us More Vulnerable Than Others? (brainchemist.wordpress.com)
• PTSD’s Impact on Immune System (fyiliving.com)
• Post-traumatic stress disorder – All Information (umm.edu)

Telling Amy’s Story

Telling Amy’s Story | Domestic Violence Documentary Film and Public Service Media Project.

CHILDREN’S RIGHTS IN DIVORCE

1. Each child has the right to develop and maintain an independent relationship with each parent.

2. Each child has the right to be free of conflict between the parents.

3. Each child has the right to be free from having to take over the parental responsibility for making custody and visitation decisions.

4. Each child has the right to be free from having to take sides with, defend, or downgrade either parent.

5. Each child has the right to be guided, taught, supervised, disciplined, and nurtured by each parent, without interference from the other parent.

6. Each child has the right to be financially supported by both parents, regardless of how much time each parent spends with the child.

7. Each child has the right to know both parents, and to spend time with both parents on a regular basis, for holidays, and for vacation periods, regardless of payment of child support.

8. Each child has the right to a personal sleeping area and space for possessions in each parent’s home.

9. Each child has the right to be physically safe and adequately supervised when in the care of each parent.

10. Each child has the right to be protected from people under the influence of alcohol or illegal drugs.

11. Each child has the right to be protected with a car seat or seat belt (as appropriate to the child’s age) whenever a passenger in an automobile.

12. Each child has the right to a proper fitting protective helmet whenever bicycling or motorcycling.

13. Each child has the right to be protected from the harmful effects of second-hand smoke.

14. Each child has the right to a stable, consistent, and responsible child care arrangement when not supervised by the parents.

15. Each child has the right to develop and maintain meaningful relationships with other significant adults, (i.e., grandparents, stepparents, and other relatives) as long as these relationships do not interfere with or replace the child’s primary relationship with the child’s parents.

16. Each child has the right to expect that both parents will follow through with the child’s residential plan, honoring specific commitments for scheduled time with the child.

17. Each child has the right to both parents being informed about medical, dental, educational, extracurricular, and legal matters concerning the child, unless such disclosure would prove harmful to the child.

18. Each child with special needs (developmental, mental, emotional, and physical) has the right to appropriate consideration and adaptation in any child care plan.

19. Each child has the right to participate in age-appropriate activities so long as these activities do not significantly impair the relationship between the child and either parent.

Parental Alienation is Breaking my heart and hurting my children

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Abortion: My Lullaby

Quote

This is dedicated to all the women and girls who were coerced or  forced into unwanted abortions by parents,boyfriends,husbands,mothers and others, social workers,social stigmas and fears -those  who suffer in silence,unable have their grief validated.There is healing.There is hope.Love never fails.

Ave Maria