What is Domestic Abuse? (from a woman’s perspective)

Battering can take many forms including, but NOT limited to:

Physical Abuse: may include but is not limited to: pushing, slapping, punching, choking, kicking, breaking bones, throwing objects; abandoning her in an unsafe place; deprivation of food, water, clothing; confining her in a closet, room or building; locking her out of her home or becoming irate if she leaves without him ; using weapons to intimidate and/or assault her; murder.

Sexual Abuse: may include but not limited to: forced, coerced or unwanted touching or sex; withholding of sex or affection; demanding that she wear more/less provocative clothing; forced sex with objects, friends, animals, or other sexual practices that make her feel HUMILIATED, or degraded; insisting that she act out pornographic fantasies; denial of her sexuality, or desirability as a sexual partner; rape.

Emotional Abuse: may include but is not limited to: withdrawal of affection; jealousy; denial of her right to feelings or emotions; put-downs, CONSTANT CRITICISM; name calling; isolating her from friends and family;calumny; controlling her activities; denying her any personal pleasures or outside interests; destruction or confiscation of property, pets treasured objects or finances; threats to harm or embarrass friends and family; dismissing her normal emotional reactions as “hyper-sensitivity” or mental illness;  forcing her to watch her children being abused without being allowed to intervene; making her account for every minute, every action; controlling her with fear, threats of even worse conditions, suggesting threats on her life;actual threats to her safety and well being.Ridiculing her in public.Turning the children against her.

Economic Abuse: may include but is not limited to: allowing a woman to have no money of her own, no money for emergencies, not even her own earnings; forcing her to account for and justify all money spent; not allowing her to earn money or improve her earning capacity.Demanding the control of her assets or inheritance.

Spiritual Abuse: may include but is not limited to: breaking down one’s belief system (cultural or religious); being punished or ridiculed for one’s beliefs; hindering her religious observance ;using clergy and/or parishioners against her;spreading rumors in her faith community that she is unfaithful,immoral,an unfit mother and crazy;playing the role of  the pious victim in public so as to isolate her from her community of faith.

Legal Abuse:may include but is not limited to:portraying her as hysterical,mentally ill and a degenerate human being in official testimony; pleading the court to terminate her parental rights for the children’s sake when she files for separation or divorce;manipulating her neighbors to testify against her;drowning her in paperwork and expenses;crying poor;hiring experts to give testimony against her; using exceeding charm with court officials so as to appear the opposite of what he is-making her case implausible;obtaining her gynecological/medical and counseling records to file on the public record;stalking her with private investigators;having her arrested on false charges;filing accusatory police reports.

AM I BEING ABUSED CHECKLIST:

Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you
treat your partner. Remember, when one person repeatedly threatens, scares, hurts,humiliates, or puts down
the other person, it’s abuse!

Does your partner…

• Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
• Put down your accomplishments or goals?
• Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
• Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
• Tell you that you are nothing without them?
• Treat you roughly – grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
• Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
• Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
• Blame you for how they feel or act?
• Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
• Make you feel like there “is no way out” of the relationship?
• Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with your friends or family?
• Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to
  “teach you a lesson”?

Do you …

• Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
• Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
• Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
• Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
• Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
• Stay with you partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke-up?
• (provided by National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)

If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue. For additional support contact:

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800.799.SAFE